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Home 
PublicationsAcademic - Articles - Reports
FAMILY IS A WORKSHOP OF CIVILIZATION
- An Exploration of Women in Literature -
Written
by: Nadija Bandić, Teacher of Literature
2nd Gymnasium, Sarajevo, Bosnia
and Herzegovina
January 2002
Participant in the Education for Peace (EFP) Program.
Family is a small, shaking heart of the entire civilization. If it beats with the synchronized and harmonic rhythm full of love and understanding, everything else that is capricious, unstable or non-reliant will be ennobled by the altruism and sensitivity. Or at least it should be that way.
" Productive love, form of the closest connection of two people, and at the same time, form of connection in which the integrity of each is preserved - is the phenomena of luxury, while the ability for love is the verification of human maturity. Joy and happiness are co-travelers of the productive love."
Marriage of two people should be steady and permanent based on mutual affection, love and friendship. It seems that there is no other place, like in the marriage, where it is so important to know the person, to be in a compliance with him about some basic issues: To establish equal relations, to work on continuous development, to improve inter-personal relations (to sustain and develop love, affection and respect), to determine to conscientiously and continuously adjust in different spheres of joint life, and to be ready to solve various difficulties that will be brought on by the mutual life.
It is not possible to achieve this without the humanization of the relations between the sexes, without the acknowledgement that "personhood" is the biggest value and that each has to create relationship with another as a subject, a personality, and not as an object, a thing. In that way, conditions would have been created for the emancipation of all humanity, for the emancipation of the woman and for greater justice in relations between the sexes.
" The family has always been and still is today
the most favorable surrounding, in which the future generations will grow
and form the standings about themselves,
about the world and the purpose and meaning of life. The family is the workshop
of civilization, or in other words - family is the nation in small terms."
Today, in Bosnia and Herzegovina, we are faced with the problem of incomplete, ruined families, in which the father or the mother were killed in war, disappeared or lived separated for a long time from their families; where the parents got divorced; where it is unknown who the father of the children and the father of the family is unknown; and families in which violence and subjugating is daily routine. In this unstable time, in which we have the "ruin of the moral values" (A. Marlo), it is difficult to overcome the disintegrative forces, which break apart not just the family, but also the foundations of the entire society. How is it possible to build and preserve the family, which will be based on unity, love and confidence? How to make a family become the true homeland of the heart? The famous poet Halil Džubran, in the song "About the Marriage", says:
"You were born together, and you will stay together
forever.
You will be together, when white wings of death end your days.
Yes. Even in that quiet remembrance of God, you will be together.
Still, leave the room, in that unity of yours so
That the winds from heaven can play between you.
Love each other, but do not make the chains out of love
It is better for love to be wrinkled sea among the shores of your souls
Fill out the goblet, one to each other, but do not drink only from one
Give the bread to each other, but do not eat the same piece
And play, and sing together and be happy, but both of you should be alone too,
Even the strings of the lute are separate, yet together they all shiver in
the same melody
Give your heart, but not for possessing of anybody else
Because only the arm of the life itself can receive your hearts.
Stay together, but not too close:
Even the poles of the temple stand separate,
Even the oak trees nor the cypress grow in the shadow of each other."
Let this essay be the search for the true family, for the unity of human beings, without which true happiness is impossible. Let this break the illusion that unity in diversity is unsustainable.
NORA- rebellion person
When the Norwegian writer Henrik Ibsen published his trilogy Columns of Society (Doll's house (NORA) Freaks and National Enemy) in 1879 he faced certain bitterness and judging from almost the entire society. What caused such reaction? In the middle of the drama "Doll's House" the character of Nora is almost too dominant, and she decides to leave the safe cage of a binding marriage, and exchange it for an uncertain, dangerous, but unlimited freedom. What was the cause of such an act? What was the motive for her "escape from the doll's house"?
1. Even during her childhood, Nora felt the threat of identity. The father was treating her as an "easy-minded bird", irresponsible, capricious girl, who must get all of her wishes come true. Later, in the marriage with Torwald Helmer the game continued; he continued to have a protective and humiliating relation towards her as an "unreasonable wasteful child". Nora felt that she "lost self respect in front of the truly un-ethical behavior", and she only wanted to be accepted as an entire person --like a man.
2. In order to prove that she is old enough to make her own decisions and to get involved in serious and difficult jobs, Nora forges the promissory note, and cold and calculative Nils Krogstad discovers her secret. Nora had made this nonsense gesture for "noble reasons". She wanted to provide the money for healing her deadly sick husband. She was hoping for - if her secret ever would be found out - the generous forgiveness of the act- after which life could have continued in the usually routine. But...
3. Nora's secret gets discovered, and Helmer reacts quite unexpectedly and hazardously for Nora' s understanding of love. In the fear of his own compromise, he pours the anger on Nora, calling her hypocrite, liar, criminal, accusing her of not knowing religion, or moral, nor the sense of responsibility.
Soon after that, he finds out that Krogstad withdraws all accusations, because the love he has found with Kristina Linde has made him a noble man. At the same time, Helmer throws Krogstad a blackmailing letter and the "note" on which Nora has falsified her father's signature and he forgives Nora for doing something so hasty". However, Nora is the hero, who does not accept in any moment to be rejected, humiliated or convicted and only because the public scandal is avoided, she is accepted and granted amnesty. Her "feeling for justice" was disturbed.
"We human beings have a feeling of all-power and own significance, which plays an important role in the way that we live and in the way that we achieve our goals…however, these feelings of all-power and own significance are being constantly attacked by what seems to be insignificant events."
Nora felt that she lived in frustrating circumstances, in which it was enabled for her to raise children as a mature person, to accept the responsibilities, to decide, to think, to act. She had to leave that life cage for the inevitable and for the freedom - so she could realize like the person.
1. The saying "love is being challenged with love" addresses probably one of the most beautiful lyrics of the English language and world love poetry:
"Love me more so that I would be decent of your love"
So, it is not only about just to love, but also that the one who is loved feels to be decent of love. Nora has expected forgiveness from the beloved man. But what did she get? Egoism, fear from her own compromises, and humiliation! Her husband's voice says that her "most holy duties" were those of having a husband and being a mother, Nora answered determined:
"I have other duties, which are also so holy……………duties to myself". "I am a human just like you" - she says to Helmer, but it would be deeply wrong in those words to see the request for the equal social rights. Nora meant only-life for the self-determination, which has to be the most secret right of every man, right for the achievement of its personality, which is equal for a man and for a woman.
2. "The biggest expression of the human ability for love is, under healthy circumstances - unity. Individuals who have received adequate and inspirational love become representatives of unity in its widest term. Such people are caring and merciful, capable to give and receive..."
What was Helmer’s love like? It was inadequate, constraining, and selfish. Nora was treated as an innocent child who was not capable of acting creatively. Helmer used the privilege of the powered man, of the "head of the family". Neglecting Nora's will, controlling and rewarding her will "with new sums of money". In this drama it was confirmed that the models based on the autocratic and pleasure usually apply the law together. There were present disturbances of love and will, so Nora felt that there were no created conditions for healthy development of her personality.
3. Nora left. She went searching for herself. To Helmer she emphasized the falseness of their marriage and family happiness:
"Our home was nothing but a house for dolls. There was I, your big doll, like I was a little doll at my father's house. And then our children were my dolls. When you played with me, it was precisely that large joy, like it was for my children, when I played with them. That was our marriage Torvald."
Nora's protest against the family relations, which were created by Helmer takes widely a general significance and turns into the protest against the society, which humiliates personality and destroys the possibility of personal development.
"Evolution is not faith, to evolve does not mean not to learn one’s destiny. We are not dolls on a cosmic stage, which follow the screenplay of a play, which is written and sealed. We are actors with will and purpose and we can change the script - at least our role in it. " Nora gets up against the humiliating marriage, which serves no more the higher goal of existence - realization of total personality.
Since it "does not get up", it has got nothing against the marriage at all. As a union of two beings, of which one creates the new values, and the other is the inspiration for force, there are many reasons not to think that for Nora that sphere is family. But, what kind of family?
UNITY - PRE-CONDITION FOR A HAPPY FAMILY
"In its pure and mature form, love has no limits, it knows no borders, has no exceptions and does not allow violence and destruction. Above all, mature and healthy love creates unity. So, in a family which is based on unity there is a creative cycle: unity creates love, love creates unity, which results in more love and bigger unity."
Ibsen goes to free Nora from the chains of the authoritative and constraining marriage, to "release her mind", for the growth and creativity. But is her decision correct? Was the one healthy reaction for her to leave the life of a challenge? Founder of sociology, August Kant, wrote that only two are the correct reality - only then we can truly speak of achieving the human being.
A lonely and separated life is neither possible nor desirable to promote mankind.
Nora did not realize that inter relations are the best environment in which one can buy the fruits of knowledge, love and good will. Does her decision lead to harmony and peace, or to increasing conflicts and misunderstanding? In search for the truth, doesn't she express egoism in full volume? Doesn’t she express the inability to deal with the problems of life, because her escape from reality, her fear that the game stopped and the mature age of the responsibility and duties started? "The fact that Nora's leaving, is not just the rebellion of the human spirit against undesired physical touch, but it is a demand for women’s rights. But that view promotes two consciousness and two kinds of spiritual laws – man and woman. It is defeating the understanding that it is possible to achieve the existential happiness beyond life, by itself, regardless of others."
What is necessary for Nora and Helmer to discover is the beauty of marriage:
1. Nora has concluded that she should leave the marriage, which connected the elements of responding to one and another. F. Nietzsche in the book "That is the way Zarathustra spoke" gives one rough and unacceptable statement, which says "Happiness of Man: I want". Happiness of woman: he wants". Can't we notice these rough forms of the Nietzsche in Helmer’s behavior? Hasn't he been constraining Nora from her creative development?
Yes, he did. But, Nora with her childishness and imprudence is in some way guilty for that. Yes, she is. Then, who has got the right? Without the constructive dialogue, it is not possible to find the mutual happiness and peace. Nora says:
"We have to come to the final solution, Torvald, for the entire eight years. We did not exchange even one serious word about the serious issues. Nora and Helmer have to accept their differences. They are not the same people. However, the uniqueness of these two people is best visible in the context of true equality. Under these circumstances each person will be able to achieve his/her maximum possibilities."
2. In the "Notes on the modern tragedy" Ibsen speaks about two kinds of "spiritual laws, about two kinds of consciousness, one of a man, and other completely different, of a woman". Among them the misinterpretation and misunderstanding are latently present, because in the daily life "a woman evaluates by the man's law, as she is not a woman but a man. In the exclusive man's society with the laws, that were created by men, and with the "legal system" which judges on woman's behavior from the man’s point of view, a woman-mother is entirely similar to a female of some bugs which leaves and dies, after it fulfills its obligations. In the final scene of the "Doll's House" these two types of spiritual laws toughly confront Ibsen. But, whether Nora is only supporter of the woman emancipation, or does her protest have a deeper meaning?
The beauty of her personality is not that she would be the representative of the "liberated" emancipated woman, but in a sense that she is a woman, who only wants one thing - to be a woman to a man, who would be decent of her love.
Helmer should change, in order to be worth of Nora's love. One should be liberated from the egoism and vanity…. because a woman is being subjugates only once.
She gives her entire self to a man, but for exchange she demands the unbreakable strength and will from him.
Ten years after the drama, in a speech published in the Union for the Defense of Women's Rights, Ibsen confessed that he does not understand what is "women's rights" actually, emphasizing only one thing: "human rights", in which women play a big role in awakening culture and discipline in societies. If Nora and Helmer could manage to balance the principles that they strongly hold on to, if they could manage to eliminate the unforgivable lack of truth and confidence, if they could accept their diversities as an advantage and wealth in their lives, and if they could learn to enjoy it - they would achieve a family based unity, love and confidence.
There is one saying, "Man sees far, but a woman sees deep." Without a vision, as well as emotionality, sophistication and nobility, it is not possible to achieve a happy future.
Therefore, the family is a "true workshop of civilization." Because besides the fact of how important it is for family members to care for each other, inspire and stimulate each other - it is also important that all people, regardless of the barriers and differences, freely and with confidence exchange the wealth of the mind and the heart.
The family, which relies on the foundations of love and understanding, is the pre-condition for creating the globally united society.
Therefore, let's help the bird fly with both wings!
